I feel like I have been pretty open with JP's condition since he's been born. I have this blog, which discusses the variety of emotions I go through, I started a FB page and invite people to follow his journey there, and I'm open to talking about his situation when people ask. While JP's condition isn't "glaring" or completely noticeable to the untrained eye, I have seen people look at his shoe with a lift and it's never bothered me.
Well last Saturday I came face to face with the reality that I'm not completely in the comfort zone. Jonathan's therapist encouraged us to get him to use his walker outside the house, outside his comfort zone. So last Saturday, it was a gorgeous day, and I decided to bring his walker to Aiden's soccer practice/game. I was surprised how uncomfortable I became as I set his walker up. Then Jonathan started to walk over to people and it just put a sad feeling in my heart that I hadn't had in a long time...that my baby needs a walker. Of course this isn't a permanent course of action, really it's fleeting, but it was a shock to my system on how I felt uncomfortable (almost embarrassed that I didn't do something right during my pregnancy to make my baby "turned out" this way). The dumbest thing was no one around made me feel this way, complete strangers were smiling, talking, and loving my baby.
Tomorrow marks 3 months until Jonathan's first surgery (as we're pretty sure we'll be having it done at DuPont), and as it gets closer, I realize I will have to continue to move out of my comfort zone as a parent, but realize there are so many strangers that see the adorable baby that my Jonathan is and not a "deformed" leg that he has.
1 comment:
Thank you, Alison, for sharing your feelings. They are so similar to mine. You have actually got to the point. I am not always being, but trying to be in a "comfort zone". And our Aleksandra helps me in it. She is so pretty and smart.
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